Its Not What I Didn't Feel, Its What I Didn't Say
by VerityFrancesB
Summary: Randy can taste the worry in his words, a slight edge of near panic and he swallows, closes his eyes against Gale's probing stare.  RPS, don't like don't read.  Set some time after Gale's motocycle accident.


Randy bites down on his lip as he comes. Shuddering hard, his hand wrapped around his own cock. Gale's fingers pressing into his chest ground him though. He manages to open his eyes and look down, see Gale's face screwed up, feels it as he comes buried deep inside Randy.

It's so good to have Gale under him, hot and hard, warm and alive. Oh _God so alive._

For a while Randy thought he would never have this again, never feel Gale inside, never be able to kiss that mouth that could make him laugh with one word and bring him to his knees with another. That wicked mouth that knew exactly what it was doing. Never able to feel those hands that were still pressing into his chest. Randy spares a fleeting thought for the finger shaped bruises he would be sporting the next day and ignores it. Because it's ok now, they don't have to hide anymore. They don't have to pretend. And it makes Randy's pulse race at the same time as it makes his stomach bottom out because what if they fuck this up? What if they have this chance now and it all turns to nothing. It was all just the thrill of the secret?

"You're thinking." Gale mutters, his voice cracking slightly, sounds like he's been screaming for hours. Randy sits up, pulls himself off with a wince and Gale's gasps, pulls him down and wraps an arm possessively around him. Randy buries his face into Gale's chest, smelling the salt on his skin and the distinct smell of both of them, the way they smell together. Gale lifts his head, tightens his hold slightly.

"Hey? What's going on?" His voice is worried and Randy shakes his head, refuses to break down, not now, _please_ not now. "Rand?" Gale is spinning them now, and he's on top, staring down at Randy with worried eyes. Randy lifts his hand, traces his fingers down Gale's face, notices the slight shudder in Gale's arms as he tries to keep himself up. Still weak, still not back on track, not yet anyway.

"I just..." Randy starts and Gale kisses him then. Soft at first as if tentative, like the first kiss they shared as them, not Brian and Justin but Gale and Randy, behind a props tent, Gale's face looking stricken as he pulled away then relieved as Randy pulled him back. The kiss turns harder, Gale letting himself down gently, pressing his body into Randy's.

"Talk to me." Gale says, whispers it against Randy's mouth. Randy can taste the worry in his words, a slight edge of near panic and he swallows, closes his eyes against Gale's probing stare.

Randy feels the tears running down his face, feels Gale's fingers running through the tracks, wiping his face, feels his lips kissing his skin. "Never thought I'd have this again." Randy mutters, his mouth taking over before he can stop the words and then he's really crying, body shaking as Gale pulls him closer, wraps his arms tight around him and murmurs into his hair, _I'm here, I'm fine_ we're _fine, its ok_.

And it's _not _ok. Randy promised himself he wouldn't do this, ever since he saw Gale in the hospital and felt the rising panic, the slow sting of tears in his eyes, he promised he would never break down in front of him. Gale's hands are on him, one tangled in his hair, the other running down his spine, pulling their bodies close together. Gale presses a kiss to Randy's temple. Randy can't stop the thoughts, the images of Gale lying in hospital, his skin pale. Every time he closes his eyes they're there and he clutches at Gale, hands on skin.

Randy sniffs, his hands leave Gale's skin and he wipes his face, pushing away from Gale, embarrassed. Gale keeps his hold.

"I'm sorry." He says, voice quiet and Randy stills, wants to ask what the hell Gale has to be sorry for, but his throat closes over and he just stays, chest pressing into Gale's. "Sorry for putting you through that." Gale says. Randy chokes back another sob and Gale kisses him, rolls them over again, his fingers buried in Randy's hair. "I'm here Rand." He pulls away and Randy can't stop the almost whimper that escapes his mouth. Gale smiles slightly and settles, straddling Randy's hips. He rocks down against Randy, intent in his eyes and Randy gets it, his whole body rocking up to meet Gale's, he _gets_ it. "I want you to..." Gale says, leaning forward, whispering the words right into Randy's mouth.

Randy kisses him, throws love and meaning into it. He can't tell Gale that he loves him, still so unsure how the words would sit with them, but he can show it, and he can definitely feel it. Gale is still rocking against him, pressing down hard, and Randy's fingers press into his hips. There's been static in his head, white noise buzzing in his brain since he saw Gale lying, _God so pale_, in the hospital, the almost acrid clinic smell stuck in his nostrils. But everything stops when Gale wraps his hand around him, twists it almost harshly, stops Randy's gasp with a kiss and the thumb of his hand pressed into the pillow by Randy's head strokes his cheek.

"I want you to." Gale says again, pulling Randy's fingers into his mouth, his tongue wet and hot against them. His fingers wrap around Randy's wrist, pulls Randy's hand out of his mouth, pushes them down, "Do it Randy."

Randy pushes in and Gale arches, throat exposed, and Randy pushes another finger in. iSo hot, so tight, god so good/i. Gale is making noises in the back of his throat and Randy wants to cry again. Gale opens his eyes, stares straight at Randy, kisses him hard once, says the words against Randy's lips.

"I _need_ you too." Randy can't back out now even if he wanted to. Gale is all consuming, and Randy wants all of him, and Gale is giving up that last bit, giving it to Randy, saying sorry for all the missed opportunities, the misunderstandings, the accident, for never being able to say it outloud. Gale's hand is around him and he lines himself up, presses down, around Randy and they both gasp, both groan, Gale's hands clutching at the sheets, Randy's thighs shaking from the urge to surge upwards, push in, do something, _anything_.

"Randy..." Gale's voice is quiet, almost awe struck, straining in his throat and Randy looks at him. Gale's hands move to his chest, his right hand pressing over Randy's heart, and Randy is sure that Gale can feel its beat thumping through his ribs. "You feel this Randy?" Gale asks, slowing rising up, Randy's breath sticks in his throat when Gale sits back down. "I'm right here." He says, curling his fingers into Randy's chest again, pressing into the marks he made earlier, the dull ache of a new bruise mixing with the intense heat rolling off Gale. Gale leans forward, bites gently on Randy's bottom lip.

"Now, _do it_." Gale says, commands, orders. And Randy knows why he's doing this, knows it's all for Randy and he can't help the sob that leaves him as he spins them both, pushing Gale into the mattress and rolling his hips in a way that makes Gale's fingernails scrape down his back and his eyes glaze over.

Randy comes first, buried deep inside Gale, Gale's hands on his shoulders. The look in Gale's eyes is too much, Randy feels stripped bare and he can't take it, wraps his hand around Gale's cock. Gale's hand joins him, stops him though.

"No." He says, "Just..." Randy leans down, presses their foreheads together and just breathes. He wants to stay like this forever, Gale wrapped around him, Gale's hands on his back, tracing patterns over his slick skin. He kisses Gale, tastes the love that still goes unsaid, the need, the fact that this was all for Randy. He leaves Gale's mouth, trailing kisses over his jaw, collar bone, shoulder.

"You know I..." the remaining _love you_ is left unsaid but Randy gets what Gale is trying to say. He nods against Gale's chest.

"I know. Me too." And he does. _God_ he loves him. And Gale is here, alive, and the white noise in Randy's head begins fades out.


End file.
